Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Exposed. The Truth about Love and Sex.

LOVE; the word is so limited. The truth of love is so vast, so immeasurable, that we could spend an eternity searching for its meaning and still never comprehend genuine, authentic love the way God intended it. The type of love that God offers and wants for all of us in all of our relationships is far beyond what I had ever learned. So different than what the world had disclosed to me and nothing at all like what I had become acquainted with. You see, the world offers us so many false beliefs about love through movies, TV, books, magazines, and just about any other avenue you can think of. But even more so, we learn the fallacies of love through the hurt and pain that comes from living in a fallen world. Through that, we have become a generation that searches for fulfillment and satisfaction in anything that makes us feel good or fills the gap in our heart, even if only for a moment. We have become so driven by our own desires or even more, by our unhealed wounds that we seek to gain, by our own means, what we long for rather than waiting on God; rather than letting God fill that hole. Only He is able. When we do this, we might as well look at God and say “I don’t trust you”, because ultimately this is what we are doing. We are looking elsewhere for answers, guidance, healing and fulfillment rather than looking to God. I know that I am guilty. Just this week I sent an extremely emotional email to someone who has hurt me deeply. I was looking to the recipient of that email for answers, guidance, and healing, rather than taking it to God where it is safe. Within minutes I was wishing that I could retract.
So, I believed the fallacy. I still struggle with believing it because satan will try to use what has worked for him in the past. I understood that love could not be trusted, that love always leaves, always comes to an end. I believed that love was unkind, insensitive and cruel and I needed to do anything to protect myself. The promiscuity was simply my way of hanging on to what little bit of hope was left in my heart because the world told me that sex and love were the same. However let us now uncover the legitimate, unfathomable and powerful truth of love. Or what little I have come to know about it through God’s saving grace. I must admit, what I do know is very modest to say the least and I am confident that there is a great deal more to learn. I am still on the journey, but what I have learned over the last several years has opened my eyes, healed some of those wounds and transformed my life.
One of the lies that I believed and am sure that many young women believe is that sex and love are one in the same. This is about as far from the truth as you can get; yet women still believe that sex will maintain the relationship, will sustain his “love” for her. The only thing that intimacy outside the bounds of a marital relationship will do is bring a throbbing pain that goes deeper than you ever thought possible and has more consequences than you were ever able to imagine. Unfortunately, I know from experience. It took me a long time to understand that God’s instructions for sex are not prohibitive for those of us who are single, but guidelines designed to protect us; protect our mind, body, soul and our dignity, as well as protect the one we are with. They are guidelines that will thrust us into our God given roles as women that will honor Him as well as honor the one that will eventually become our spouse.
The problem with sex outside of marriage is that it is a scam. It resembles true intimacy but it is nothing of the like. It makes you believe that the intimacy within the relationship is more than what it really is. Extramarital sex uses the language of love and commitment, but knows nothing of either one. At our deepest level, we crave that true intimacy. That is, after all, what that hole in our heart is that we desperately seek to fill. It is the God given hole in our heart that He designed in each of us that would hopefully lead us to Him. But instead of choosing Him, we spend countless hours, days, or even years choosing others, choosing sex, seeking love in the world, or hiding from it because of the pain, rather than allowing Him to love us in the only way that will fill that opening in our hearts.
You see, I have discovered the hard way that sex is more than just physical stimulation, although the world says something much different. The world says to do what makes you feel good; it’s your body, do with it what you want; it’s not hurting anyone. What I have discovered is the extreme opposite. What I have finally grasped is that sex is the most intimate and ultimate of all human giving and vulnerability. Sex, does feel good, but hurts more deeply than you can ever imagine, when you partake in it outside of a committed marital union. Yes, it is your body but not to do with what you want. It is a body given as a gift from our creator meant to be a vessel through which He can serve His purposes that are always intended for your good. Through this one act of intimacy, we give ourselves so fully to one another that it only seems right that it take place in a union of total and permanent surrender. Between two people who have given themselves completely—body, mind, and spirit—to one another. I have come to understand, through personal experience as well as a Christian conviction, that to give someone your body, without giving the rest of you, your mind (a total, willful commitment) and spirit (your emotions and affections), is to separate the physical from the rest of the components of your being, which literally rips us to pieces at the depths of our soul. When God says that the two become one, He really means it. Extramarital sex divides us at our deepest level, giving out a part of us, without giving out the rest intended to go with it and we wonder why intimate relationships hurt so badly when they come to an end. It is because we truly do become one flesh and when the relationship comes to an end we are ripped apart, left with an open, gaping wound. I am not sure where any of us, much less myself, have gotten the idea that we can do whatever we want with one part of our being, our bodies, and believe that there are no consequences for the other parts of our being. I unfortunately have lived those consequences because I was not taught that sexual intimacy was a beautiful and remarkable act created by God himself for true intimacy with your spouse. In fact, I was taught and treated like quite the opposite as you have come to discover.
So, I have had to come to my own convictions and the reality of extramarital sex the hard way. My prayer is that you don’t have to do the same. I am speaking to single women here. We cannot keep going through relationships believing that sexual intimacy will keep it together. It takes so much more. We can’t keep believing that when he says that he will be there tomorrow that he will be and our way to ensure that is to show him how much we love him by giving all of ourselves to him. It doesn’t work. I promise. Believe me; I have made all the excuses in the world of why this guy is different. But the reality is that it is not about the guy at all. It is about who you are in Christ and the plan that he has for your life and your purity. I beg of you to keep the most sacred part of yourself in the hands of God. It is the only safe place for it to remain until your man of God comes and takes you into his arms in a permanent union the way God designed it. Anything other than that only brings despair.


Tonya said...

Oh Allison....well said! My journey looks much the same & when I realized exactly what you express I have found a peace I never could find in a "guy". I have heard people say they don't regret past mistakes as it brought them where they are today. I a certain point. I would take back every meaningless relationship I ever had. I would be pure when I present myself to my husband someday...I do have regrets & realize there are no do overs. But because of Christ's blood & His infinite grace my slate is clean!!!!
Love you chica!!!!! ~Tonya

availablelightarts said...

Allison, so good and so true! I think it is important too to mention that rushing into a marriage for the sake of sex according to God's plan is a bad idea too. It minimizes the time to acquire that true intimacy you are describing! I love the blog! -Sarah

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