I Don't Want To Obey!

Last week was a tough week for my family. While it was full of amazing people and a production that changed many lives, the busyness severely interrupted my ability to parent my children the way I needed to.

If you know anything about personality, you know that children, even from the same womb, respond to situations differently than their siblings. Some are compliant and easygoing no matter the situation while others will spin out of control at the slightest change in your parenting strategy. This is my precious middle child Benjamin. His temperament is that of a choleric/sanguine which simply means that he is strong willed and loves to be around people. Obedience does not come naturally for these types of children (or adults for that matter). But I don’t think strong willed quite covers it. Benjamin is the kind of kid that could make Dr. Dobson cry! I think after some time spent with my sweet boy, the good doctor would probably consider rewriting a good portion of his book “The Strong Willed Child”. Benjamin is without a doubt strong willed¹⁰. 

 Last week we were participating in The Thorn, an epic portrayal of the passion of Jesus Christ! It was taking up a lot of our time which left little time to focus on parenting. While Cameron and Joshua, my other two children, adapt well to situations like this, Benjamin will pick up on it in a skinny minute and begin to push through those boundaries that the choleric personality abhors! I only know this because I too am a choleric/sanguine. Yes, the apple doesn’t fall too far from this tree! After a week of full out backwards emotional discipline, because that’s the way we parent when we don’t have time, Benjamin and I were at our wits end. We had been in a battle of wills all week and because I allowed the busyness to get the better of me, Benjamin was winning.

There are several things that I took away from last week that I would like to remember in the future:

1. There will always be seasons of busyness in our lives and if we don’t have a plan for our family, chaos will soon follow.
2. Anytime we parent from our emotions, the child will always, always win the battle.
3. While the child may have won the battle, we don’t have to let him win the war. We will not parent perfectly and when conflict ensues we must assess the wounds and mend the hurts because there is still a lot more parenting to be done.
4. There doesn’t have to be a battle if we follow rule #1.

After that week was over Benjamin and I had a chance to sit and assess the battlefield together. We walked through the process of repentance, forgiveness and restoration and he ended our conversation with this: “Mom, I understand why I have to obey God; I mean he is the creator of the universe. But you are human just like me, so I don’t understand why I have to obey you”. I reminded him of the truth that God’s word reveals about it in Proverbs 22:6. My job as his parent is to train him. God gave him to me for that purpose. His job as my child and more importantly as a child of God is to obey his parents as the LORD instructs him in Colossians 3:20. He completely understood, but enthusiastically made it known that he did not like it!

No one told me that parenting would be this hard. I often ask myself why people don't talk about how tough it is.  I think it could be for two reasons. One because if they did, no one would want to have children and two, I think the love between parent and child covers a multitude of sins!


Precious Benjamin has had a tough trip on the road to submission and we are getting closer every day. We might take a few steps backwards as we did last week but I am confident if we stick to the timeless plan of God’s word we will finish the race!

There is Hope in Suffering

When you are going through tough times do you ever feel like it takes forever to see any light at the end of the tunnel? Do you ever feel as if you are in bondage to your pain or suffering because it just doesn’t end? There are seasons in life. Some seasons feel as if we have reached the Promised Land, things are great in our world. But I think more so than not, in this world anyway, life in the desert represents the norm. It seems as if struggling is just a part of life. I think that is the reality of a fallen world.


In the midst of our desert, we cry out to God to stop the pain, stop the struggling and that’s ok. I think that is the most natural thing we can do. But have you ever stopped to consider that suffering may have a purpose? That God allows us to travel the long road for a reason? In Exodus chapter 13 God has just delivered the Israelites from slavery in Egypt after 430 years; and if 430 years of bondage wasn’t a long enough road of suffering, God decides “not to lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter” (vs. 17). God knew that if they went the shorter route that they would face war and more suffering and return to Egypt and a life of slavery.

You see, sometimes, we can only see what is right there in front of us. We can’t see what is down the road a little further. But God can! Sometimes God allows us to travel what seems to be the long route through our suffering but in reality he is protecting us from more suffering just as he was the Israelites. I have unfortunately chosen the short route one too many times in my own life only to have more pain in the end. At times, it has been a relationship that I chose because it was right there in front of me rather than waiting on God’s timing for the right person. I don’t have to tell you the pain that a broken heart brings; pain that could have been avoided. Being single seemed worse than slavery at the time, but I could have avoided suffering by avoiding the shorter road.  Being single, I have learned, is not so bad!  In fact, if it is God's plan then being single is just perfect for me!  At times, I have chosen to punish my children out of anger or frustration rather than choosing the longer route of daily discipline. It is painful to everyone involved when discipline takes place through our negative emotions even if at the time it seems quicker and easier.

Another reason that we struggle is that God may be allowing us a Romans 5 moment in which our suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope! I can tell you this with 100% confidence. I have grown more through my suffering and have learned a greater dependence on God in the midst of suffering than I have any other time in my life. Really, that is the ultimate goal or at least it should be; to learn to depend on him more and learn to be more like him and suffering does just that. It causes us to cling to God because there is nowhere else to turn. As we cling to him, we discover that it is producing character in us. Character that blossoms. Character that grows. Character that emulates Him and that my friend is where we find hope! The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control. When we abide in him, we can’t help but become more like him and if our character looks like his, like the fruit of the Spirit, then our hope is strong and we can persevere no matter the suffering around us.

So the next time you are in the midst of suffering and pain, consider thanking God for protecting you from the short road and asking him “what can I learn and how can I grow to be more like you”? I promise you won’t regret it!